


dongsookie removed ty

by Scarletphoenix8



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Multi, Some Plot, but mostly crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-07-08 03:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15922271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarletphoenix8/pseuds/Scarletphoenix8
Summary: luacs: hey hyung what happens when we get to 50 members?ty track: ...ill retire.-starting with ot18, who knows what ill end with





	1. team bonding with donghyuck ft. ramen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fetus: what is a dom  
> kun: im not answering the child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heavily inspired by [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ6w_1KBpq8&t=1s%22%22)
> 
> edit: forgot to add their nicknames ><  
> taeil: suffering/old hyung <3  
> johnny: american hyung  
> taeyong: ty/romanticist  
> yuta: takoyaki prince  
> kun: kun/DA ge  
> doyoung: bunny boy  
> ten: fake hoe  
> jaehyun: jeffrey  
> sicheng: winwin  
> jungwoo: jwoos  
> lucas: xuxi/sushi  
> mark: markle/markle sparkle  
> renjun: moomin boy  
> jeno: (nope)  
> donghyuck: dongsookie/2nd cousin to the devil  
> jaemin: nananananana (from you)  
> chenle: dolphin boy/lele  
> jisung: fetus

(group chat: nct in the house)

_[dongsookie removed ty, jeffrey, winwin, jwoos, markle, moomin boy and dolphin boy]_

_[dongsookie changed the chat name to “doms”]_

_[suffering left the chat]_

 

 **xuxi:** what’s happening why’d taeil hyung leave

 **kun:** donghyuck.

 **kun:** no.

 **dongsookie:** donghyuck yes

 **fetus:** what is a dom

 **kun:** im not answering the child

 **nananananana (from you):** our dear maknae

 **nananananana (from you):** because I love you

 **(nope):** _hey_

 **nananananana (from you):** _platonically_

 **nananananana (from you):** I have taken the liberty to urban dictionary it for you

 **nananananana (from you):** n. Short for "Dominant." The dominant person in a BDSM relationship or encounter.

 **fetus:** I regret

 **fetus:** so much

 **fetus:** I haven’t even kissed lele!

 **(nope):** _wait what_

 **dongsookie:** we’ll have that conversation in the dream chat later

 **dongsookie:** for now I have a proposition

 **dongsookie:** for the rest of the week

 **dongsookie:** the one who makes their so flustered/embarrassed the fastest gets ramen

 **dongsookie:** meaning ill cook

 **bunny boy:** challenge fucking accepted

 **american hyung:** who are you and what have you done with donghyuck

 **dongsookie:** wait im not done

 **dongsookie:** condition: someone else in the group has to time it

 **dongsookie:** I elect kun hyung n jeno cos theyre the least likely to mess with the results

 **kun:** …

 **kun:** ill do it.

 **(nope):** ill do it too

 **dongsookie:** so apart from dongyong hyung, is everyone in agreement

 **fake hoe:** hell yes

 **bunny boy:** you’re going down

 **american hyung:** if ten’s doing it ill have to wont i

 **fake hoe:** ofc who else is going to help me see how far down our little taeyongie’s blush goes

 **fetus:** _my eyes_

 **fetus:** but yes ofc anything for ramen

 **xuxi:** is there any point in me doing this I mean woowoo literally flusters everyone not the other way round

 **dongsookie:** team bonding

 **dongsookie:** ill beg mark to let you hang out in our dorm for a day if you win

 **xuxi:** ok im in

 **kun:** the team bonding thing is suspicious asf tho

 **nananananana (from you):** we’re in

 **nananananana (from you):** jeno’s alr planning

 **takoyaki prince:** wait then what do I do

 **kun:** help me with sicheng

 **kun:** and ofc ill share the ramen who else in this group would

 **takoyaki prince:** ok

 **dongsookie:** I would??

 **kun:** a lie

 **fetus:** seconded

_[american hyung changed dongsookie’s name to 2nd cousin to the devil]_

**american hyung:** kyungsoo hyung is the real devil

 **american hyung:** but you’re a pretty close second

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** ayo fuck you hyung

 **fake hoe:** that was somehow rude and polite at the same time wow

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** also last rule!! not a word to the subs

 **xuxi:** ok

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed the chat name to “nct in the house”]_

_[2nd cousin to the devil added suffering, ty, jeffrey, winwin, jwoos, markle, moomin boy and dolphin boy]_

**markle:** johnny hyung did you change hyuckie’s name

 **american hyung:** yes

 **markle:** I appreciate your taste in american literature

 **american hyung:** thank you

 **dolphin boy:** are we changing nicknames!!

 **dolphin boy:** I want to change everyones!!

 **dolphin boy:** well not everyone’s but a lot of nicknames

 **ty:** go on chenle

 **dolphin boy:** thanks hyung!

_[dolphin boy changed their username to lele]_

_[lele changed suffering’s username to old hyung <3]_

_[lele changed ty’s username to romanticist]_

_[lele changed kun’s username to DA ge]_

_[lele changed xuxi’s username to sushi]_

_[lele changed markle’s username to markle sparkle]_

**lele:** done!!

 **old hyung <3:** I don’t have it in me to be mad

 **markle sparkle:** same

 **jeffrey:** #chenleprotectionsquad

 **DA ge:** I do

 **sushi:** ??

 **sushi:** also I like this name thanks lele

 **lele:** !!

 **lele:** youre welcome (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

 **moomin boy:** **@sushi** fat kun

 **sushi:** ohhhhhhhhh

 **DA ge:** 辰乐我会杀了你

 **lele:** (°ロ°)

 **moomin boy: @romanticist** kun hyung is threatening to kill lele

 **romanticist:** im not dealing with this

 **romanticist:** kun stop

 **DA ge: @moomin boy** you’re going to get it for outing me

 **moomin boy:** bring it on (ง'̀-'́)ง

 **romanticist:** no fighting in this household

 **moomin boy:** yes ma’am

 **DA ge:** only because the fans think im nice and I gotta keep my image

 **romanticist:** whatever it takes

-

(private chat: _nananananana (from you)_ and _2nd cousin to the devil_ )

 

 **nananananana (from you):** so why are you doing this

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** I owe taeyong hyung a favour

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** he wants me to get rid of the ramen that’s about to expire

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** in a creative way

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** preferably with team bonding involved

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** this is my interpretation so

 **nananananana (from you):** wow ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. the chinese joke here is “da ge” which means hyung but “da” means big and lele here means it in the bodily sense so by changing kun’s name to “da ge” lele is basically calling kun “fat hyung” xD  
> 2\. donghyuck's name is a reference to the great gatsby - imo hands down one of the greatest american novels of all time


	2. oof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bunny boy: what can I say
> 
> bunny boy: I’m a dom bottom
> 
> bunny boy: a rare species

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicknames!!  
> taeil: old hyung <3  
> johnny: american hyung  
> taeyong: romanticist  
> yuta: takoyaki prince  
> kun: DA ge  
> doyoung: bunny boy  
> ten: fake hoe  
> jaehyun: jeffrey  
> sicheng: winwin  
> jungwoo: jwoos  
> lucas: sushi  
> mark: markle sparkle  
> renjun: moomin boy  
> jeno: (nope)  
> donghyuck: 2nd cousin to the devil  
> jaemin: nananananana (from you)  
> chenle: lele  
> jisung: fetus

(group chat: nct in the house)

**winwin:** someone tell me why doyoung hyung is climbing on jaehyun’s lap please

 **old hyung <3: **what

 **winwin:** we were playing video games!! and then doyoung hyung just came over and crawled over on jaehyun’s lap!

 

-

(private chat: _2nd cousin to the devil_ and _(nope)_ )

 

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** is kun hyung timing

 **(nope):** yeah

 

-

(group chat: nct in the house)

 

 **winwin:** _someone help_

 **fetus:** why cant you just go away

 **winwin:** im stuck between jaehyun and the couch arm?!

 **fetus:** oh well cant help you sorry

 **winwin:** _you know whats worse_

 **winwin:** minghao’s stuck on the other side of them!!

 **lele:** minghao from svt??

 **winwin:** _yes_

 **winwin:** someone rescue us please

 **winwin:** kun ge I see you in the corner help me please

 **DA ge:** im actually busy sorry sicheng

 **winwin:** ):

 **old hyung <3: **same here sorry winwinnie ):

 **winwin:** )):

 **old hyung <3: **oh the _guilt_

 **sushi:** omw

 **sushi:** _nyoom_

 **sushi:** I’m here

 **sushi:** oh hell no

 **jwoos:** what

 **sushi:** sicheng ge

 **winwin:** what

 **sushi:** you did not tell me what doyoung hyung was wearing!!

 **sushi:** >//<

 **old hyung <3: **do I want to know

 **moomin boy:**  wait im coming over I wanna see

 **nananananana (from you):** same

 **nananananana (from you):** oh wow

 **moomin boy:** _my eyes_

 **romanticist:** do I need to be involved

 **moomin boy:** ok why is dongyong hyung like, wearing nothing

 **romanticist:** _WHAT_

 **nananananana (from you):** not literally!!

 **winwin:** hes like wearing a shirt??

 **moomin boy:** correction: an oversized shirt and underwear

 **moomin boy:** _and nothing else_

 

-

(private chat: _winwin_ and _haohao_ )

 

 **winwin:** im so sorry TT

 **haohao:** lol its ok ur not the only one w promiscuous hyungs

 **haohao:** when jeonghan and jisoo hyung get together its worse

 **winwin:** bless you

 **winwin:** and your eyes

 **haohao:** thanks

 **haohao:** and same tbh

 **winwin:** thanks TT

 

-

(group chat: one day all of us will be taller than taeyong hyung)

 

 **markle sparkle:** jeno come help me stop chenle from going to the 127 dorm!!

 **lele:** _but why_

 **markle sparkle:** _its not child appropriate_

 **lele:** _im not a child_

 **markle sparkle:** _youre underage_

 **(nope):** go take a nap with jisung or smth

 **fetus:**  hi yes hello would you actually take a nap with me

 **lele:** okay! (◕ヮ◕)

 **markle sparkle:** can I retire as leader

 **markle sparkle:** renjun my closest in age friend

 **moomin boy:** nuh uh

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** _you will never get by_

 **nananananana (from you):** _uh uh_

 **(nope):** _got me feelin good vibes_

 **markle sparkle:** _STOP PROMOTING ARTISTS WHO ARENT ON OUR LABEL_

 

-

(private chat: _2nd cousin to the devil_ and _(nope)_ )

 

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** fuck that was close

 **(nope):** mark doesn’t know does he

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** who do you think I am

 **(nope):** your username says it all

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** my best friend is now renjun

 **(nope):** don’t touch my bae

 **(nope):** go find mark if you’re so desperate

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** alr did ;)

 **(nope):** _BYE_

 

-

(group chat: doms pt. 2)

_[DA ge added american hyung, takoyaki prince, bunny boy, fake hoe, sushi, 2nd cousin to the devil, (nope), nananananana (from you) and fetus]_

 

 **DA ge:** dongyoung: 20s

 **DA ge:** that’s already a pretty decent timing

 **bunny boy:** what can I say

 **bunny boy:** I’m a dom bottom

 **bunny boy:** a rare species

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** dont tell me theres going to be more smexy stuff

 **DA ge:** you think

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** okay slightly regret

 **(nope):** we should probably babysit chenle and jisung, remove them from the scene yknow

 **DA ge:** _YOU SHOULD_

 **fetus:** why what did I miss

 **takoyaki prince:** PG PG

 **fake hoe:** sorry sungie some things you dont want to know

 **fetus:** also fuck you donghyuck we dont need babysitting

 **DA ge:** watch your mouth!

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** where are your manners maknae

 **fetus:** where I left the freedom of my youth

 **sushi:** ??

 **takoyaki prince:** sm’s basement

 **american hyung:** sm’s basement

 **nananananana (from you):** the basement ofc

 **fetus:** sm’s basement everyone knows that

 **sushi:** oh.

 **DA ge:** I see something’s finally gotten through your thick skull

 **sushi:** I’m getting bullied by my future leader

 **sushi:** anyone?

 **sushi:** no?

 **sushi:** )):

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided that out of all the 97 liners jaehyun would ask the8 to play video games with him and winwin lol
> 
> also!! the lyrics from the dreamies chat are from pristin's we like


	3. someone save jeno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (nope): can someone rescue me PLEASE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicknames!!  
> taeil: old hyung <3  
> johnny: american hyung  
> taeyong: romanticist  
> yuta: takoyaki prince  
> kun: DA ge  
> doyoung: bunny boy  
> ten: fake hoe  
> jaehyun: jeffrey  
> sicheng: winwin  
> jungwoo: jwoos  
> lucas: sushi  
> mark: markle sparkle  
> renjun: moomin boy  
> jeno: (nope)  
> donghyuck: 2nd cousin to the devil  
> jaemin: nananananana (from you)  
> chenle: lele  
> jisung: fetus

(private chat: _2nd cousin to the devil_ and _romanticist_ )

**romanticist:** how goes your ridding of the ramen

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** it’ll be gone by the end of the week, promise

 **romanticist:** huh. okay

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** ^^

 **romanticist:** wait it expires on sunday doesn’t it

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** yeah so just in time

 **romanticist:**..sure.

 **romanticist:** better be that no one gets food poisoning hyuck

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** if anything our managers will kill us first

 **romanticist:** no comment

 

-

(group chat: nct in the house)

 

 **markle sparkle:** is anyone awake please be awake

 **jwoos:**?

 **markle sparkle:** why are _you_ awake hyung

 **jwoos:** I dunno

 **markle sparkle:** anw yes so

 **markle sparkle:** being the spoilt brat that I am

 **markle sparkle:** I walk to our kitchen expecting taeyong hyung to be making breakfast

 **markle sparkle:** altho I planned to help him fyi

 **markle sparkle:** AND YOU KNOW WHAT

 **markle sparkle:** THERES A FULL ON THREESOME GOING ON IN THE KITCHEN

 **(nope):** yes there is

 **markle sparkle:** wait wtf jeno is that you??

 **(nope):** in my defense I couldn’t sleep

 **(nope):** also I am stuck. help.

 **markle sparkle:** IN FACT WHATS TEN HYUNG DOING HERE IT’S THE 127 DORM

 **markle sparkle:** too bad jeno

 **jwoos:** I can’t help…

 **jwoos:** I think I’ll just go back to sleep

 **jwoos:** or lie here and stare at xuxi ♡

 **(nope):** can someone rescue me PLEASE

 **markle sparkle:** tell me what you’re doing in our dorm first

 **(nope):** …so I couldn’t sleep right

 **(nope):** so I tried to make warm milk cos jaemin sometimes makes that for lele when he cant sleep

 **(nope):** and I sorta missed the pan?????

 **markle sparkle:** okay first of all why are you _stealing_ milk when the convenience store is open 24/7

 **markle sparkle:** second of all why are you stealing from _us_

 **markle sparkle:** third of all why did you use a _pan_

 **markle sparkle:** fourth of all how could you miss a pan with all that surface area??!!?

 **(nope):** hyung help seriously

 **(nope):** you know how injunnnie gets when he doesnt get his cereal

 **markle sparkle:** so youre doing this to protect yourself from your boyfriend's wrath?

 **(nope):**??

 **(nope):** nana's my bf

 **markle sparkle:**  ...nvm

 **DA ge:** jeno

 **markle sparkle:** kun hyung whyre _you_ awake too??

 **DA ge:** its 6.30am and a perfectly reasonable time to be awake

 **markle sparkle:** not on an off day, no

 **DA ge:** anyway jeno come to our dorm ill get you milk

 **DA ge:** youre lucky xuxi drinks a fuckton of protein shakes we have a gallon of milk in our fridge

 **(nope):** omg hyung ily thanks youre my favourite hyung now

 **(nope):** problem is,, im still hiding here

 **jwoos:** owo where are you jeno yah

 **(nope):** …under the table

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** whats going on I want the juicy deets

 **markle sparkle:** do you automatically wake up when theres gossip

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** oh come on mark you love me

 **(nope):** hyuck youre a gossip hoe

 **(nope):** come rescue me pls

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** deets then I will

 **(nope):** ill pm you

 

-

_(private chat: 2nd cousin to the devil and (nope))_

**(nope):** look I really went to get more milk alright

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** and?

 **(nope):** I found ten hyung in the kitchen

 **(nope):** im like whatre you doing here hyung

 **(nope):** he asked me to time him and johnny hyung

 **(nope):** AT SIX IN THE MORNING

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** LMAO

 **(nope):** he said he originally was just going to time himself

 **(nope):** and then johnny dragged taeyong hyung in and

 **(nope):** well

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** I WANT DETAILS

 **(nope):** LIKE WHAT

 **(nope):** AM I NOT TRAUMATISED ENOUGH

 **(nope):** I HID FOR A REASON OKAY

 **2nd cousin to the devil:**   but you heard moaning right

 **(nope):** I mean,, yes?? but how do I give you deets of that

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** point well made my friend

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** I shall have to seach for blackmail material elsewhere

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** also ill get the milk dw id rather not suffer injuns wrath either

 **(nope):** thanks hyuck

 **2nd cousin to the devil:**   no problem

 

-

(private chat: _jwoos_ and _markle sparkle_ )

**jwoos:** interesting how you didnt reply hyuckie

 **markle sparkle:** what do you mean

 **jwoos:** you know what I mean mark

 **markle sparkle:** look its complicated

 **jwoos:** I thought you made up after your huge summer fight last year?

 **markle sparkle:** kind of

 **markle sparkle:** like we made up but it did things and we’re taking a step back

 **jwoos:** both of you or just you

 **jwoos:** cos im getting the impression hyuck’s giving you space but its killing him

 **markle sparkle:** …is it?

 **jwoos:** yknow youre not as young as jisung but you do have 10 hyungs who care a lot about you, mark

 **jwoos:** me included! ^^

 **markle sparkle:** ill sort this out with him

 **markle sparkle:** thanks hyung

 **jwoos:** promise me you will!! also youre welcome   <3

 **markle sparkle:** promise (:

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im having too much fun writing this oof


	4. parenting emergency I: wheres hyuck????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> romanticist: can someone in the u dorm please go check on lucas I think he choked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry,, life threw me one hell of a curveball so i didnt update for a while!! but here it is!! have some plot ;)
> 
> nicknames:  
> taeil: old hyung <3  
> johnny: american hyung  
> taeyong: romanticist  
> yuta: takoyaki prince  
> kun: DA ge  
> doyoung: bunny boy  
> ten: fake hoe  
> jaehyun: jeffrey  
> sicheng: winwin  
> jungwoo: jwoos  
> lucas: sushi  
> mark: markle sparkle  
> renjun: moomin boy  
> jeno: (nope)  
> donghyuck: 2nd cousin to the devil  
> jaemin: nananananana (from you)  
> chenle: lele  
> jisung: fetus

(group chat: nct in the house)

 **(nope):** so

 **(nope):** I was rescued yesterday by………..

 **(nope):** NO ONE

 **takoyaki prince:** look theres two people you dont mess with in this dorm

 **takoyaki prince:** one is doyoung

 **takoyaki prince:** the other one is ten

 **(nope):** STILL

 **jwoos:** sorry i was busy staring at xuxi ♡

 **romanticist:** can someone in the u dorm please go check on lucas I think he choked

 **takoyaki prince:** how can you tell????

 **romanticist:** mom instincts

 **takoyaki prince:** sure

 **fake hoe:** on it bby!

 **fake hoe:** hes not dead all is well

 **romanticist:** thanks bby  <3

 **fake hoe:**   <3

 **(nope): @markle sparkle** i cant believe you came and left me hyung ))))))))):

 **markle sparkle:** no response

 **(nope):** ))))))))))))))):

 **jwoos:** …jeno must be really traumatised D:

 **(nope):** yes.

 **takoyaki prince:** didnt hyuckie say hed save u??

 **(nope):** yeah guess what he said when I confronted him

 **(nope):** “I got milk I saved you from Injunnie’s wrath”

 **takoyaki prince:** oof

 **nananananana (from you):** poor bby ): come to the living room ill cuddle you

 **(nope):** my one and only  <33 I love you nana

 **nananananana (from you):** ily2 <3

 

-

(group chat: doms pt. 2)

 **(nope):** ten hyung: 18s

 **bunny boy:** WHAT

 **bunny boy:** HOW

 **fake hoe:** HELL YES

 **DA ge:** its taeyong hyung what did you expect

 **fake hoe:** he was already sleepy as well

 **sushi:** hes sleepy and hes still so reactive????

 **bunny boy:** you make him sound like a chemical

 **sushi:** iM SORRY I LOVE TAEYONG HYUNG I SWEAR

 **fake hoe:** aww cute

 **fake hoe:** but also **@bunny boy** I don’t make the rules

 **bunny boy:** youre asking for it

 **fake hoe:** you wanna fight????

 **american hyung:** okay lets not fight maybe

 **fake hoe:** okay bby  <3

 **DA ge:** am I the only one that wants to check if dongyong is plotting to murder ten in his sleep

 

-

_(private chat: fetus and (nope))_

**(nope):** sungie

 **(nope):** can you do me a favour

 **fetus:** what

 **(nope):** time me and nana later

 **fetus:** whats later

 **(nope):** in another maybe 5mins after lele’s done annoying him

 **fetus:** isn’t that cheating

 **(nope):** not if lele isn’t intentionally helping us, no

 **fetus:** im not sure I agree but ok

 **(nope):** thanks jisung ah ^^

 **fetus:** mm

 

-

(private chat: _american hyung_ and _markle sparkle_ )

 **markle sparkle** : hey johnny

 **american hyung:** whats up

 **markle sparkle** : idk whats going on

 **american hyung:** is it one of those “I missed sth what was it”

 **american hyung:** or one of those “wtf are the members doing again”

 **markle sparkle** : …both??

 **markle sparkle** : I mean,, I have a very, very red renjun on the couch

 **markle sparkle** : jeno and jaemin in full on stage mode practicing bds in front of him

 **markle sparkle** : incl the whole open shirt aesthetic

 **american hyung:** im assuming ur @ the dream dorm??

 **american hyung:** why dont use ask lele and sungie

 **markle sparkle** : they locked themselves in sungie’s room,,

 **markle sparkle** : they aren’t picking up my calls either TT

 **american hyung:** lol no idea

 **american hyung:** wanna come here and watch some mvs with me

 **markle sparkle** : yes

 **markle sparkle** : also have you seen hyuck

 **american hyung:** now that you mention it

 **american hyung:** no

 **american hyung:** thats strange

 **markle sparkle** : oh

 **markle sparkle** : anw im omw back to the dorm

 **american hyung:** ill set up the tablet

 

-

(group chat: we are young men)

_[american hyung changed the chat name to “parenting emergency”]_

 

 **american hyung:** I have a lowkey panicked mark and a missing donghyuck

 **romanticist:** WHAT

 **old hyung <3:** whats going on

 **american hyung:** has anyone seen hycuk srsly

 **american hyung:** also tae bby mark is safe w me

 **romanticist:** thx beb

 **romanticist:** ok but fuck I haven’t seen hyuckie since the night before

 **takoyaki prince:** he hasn’t texted any of you guys??

 **romanticist:** wait lemme ask jisung

 **bunny boy:** ill ask jeno, nana’s probably with him

 **winwin:** ill ask lele and renjun

 **DA ge:** I also have an emergency here.

 **jeffrey:** what –

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe I forgot to give yuta and johnny lines. I’m no better than sm UGH


	5. parenting emergency II: finding hyuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fake hoe: the seven of you could be a whole kdrama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really should change these soon ahhh (nicknames):  
> taeil: old hyung <3  
> johnny: american hyung  
> taeyong: romanticist  
> yuta: takoyaki prince  
> kun: DA ge  
> doyoung: bunny boy  
> ten: fake hoe  
> jaehyun: jeffrey  
> sicheng: winwin  
> jungwoo: jwoos  
> lucas: sushi  
> mark: markle sparkle  
> renjun: moomin boy  
> jeno: (nope)  
> donghyuck: 2nd cousin to the devil  
> jaemin: nananananana (from you)  
> chenle: lele  
> jisung: fetus

(group chat: parenting emergency)

 **DA ge:** so renjun just stumbled into our dorm sobbing like, really hard

 **DA ge:** I tried to ask him whats wrong

 **DA ge:** then he just cried and panicked until he passed out

 **DA ge:** hes sleeping now so lets just find hyuck first

 **jeffrey:** what do the dreamies get up to wth

 **bunny boy:** uh taeyong hyung

 **bunny boy:** you might want to know what jeno and jaemin have to say

 **winwin:** and chenle

 **romanticist:** jisung says it would be easier to ask them all at once so

 _[romanticist added (nope),_ _nananananana (from you), lele, and fetus]_

 **jeffrey:** welcome to the hyungs gc

 **romanticist:** explanations stat

 **lele:** so I got into an argument with renjun ge,,

 **lele:** nothing really out of the ordinary tbh just the usual insults

 **lele:** usually he strangles me and its over with but TT

 **nananananana (from you):** um jeno and I wanted our fellow 00 liners opinion covering bds

 **nananananana (from you):** since hyuck has vanished?????

 **nananananana (from you):** OH RIGHT TAEYONG HYUNG HYUCK HASN’T REPLIED OUR TRASH TEXTS FOR LIKE A DAY

 **nananananana (from you):** HES USUALLY THE FIRST TO BASH US SO

 **nananananana (from you):** highkey worried

 **old hyung <3:** we haven’t seen hyuck since the night before and he hasn’t been to your dorm right

 **(nope):** oh fuck

 **romanticist:** nana

 **romanticist:** continue

 **nananananana (from you):** idk injun just ran out of the dorm after we were finished

 **nananananana (from you):** didnt say a word

 **(nope):** honestly he looked a lil uncomfortable

 **(nope):** like he desperately wanted to leave but he was waiting for us to finish

 **takoyaki prince:** so i just looked back at the texts

 **takoyaki prince:** taeyong last hyuck texted was this I believe

-

(screenshot from group chat: nct in the house)

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** whats going on I want the juicy deets

 **markle sparkle:** do you automatically wake up when theres gossip

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** oh come on mark you love me

-

 **fake hoe:** time to spill the tea

 **fake hoe:** for important reasons

 **nananananana (from you):** okay maybe the big picture is

 **nananananana (from you):** hyuck likes mark hyung

 **nananananana (from you):** like

 **nananananana (from you):** alot

 **fetus:** and you know mark hyung has his very het aesthetic

 **fetus:** even though we all know hes a panicked bi,,

 **jwoos:** what hes trying to say is that hyuck might have panicked after he sent this

 **(nope):** he texted me a lil after, but really normal stuff

 **(nope):** so jungwoo hyungs probably right

 **jeffrey:** summary: hyuck gay panicked because of mark and vanished

 **fetus:** very possible

 **romanticist:** and renjun?

 **fetus:** …

 **DA ge:** 钟辰乐

 **DA ge:** Anything you’re not telling me?

 **lele:** FINE

 **lele: @(nope) @** **nananananana (from you)** he likes you both!!!!!! a lot!!!!!!!

 **lele: i** t was just between me and him

 **(nope):** oh.

 **nananananana (from you):** nono we gone fucked up

 **(nope):** oh god

 **fake hoe:** the seven of you could be a whole kdrama

 **bunny boy:** any idea where hyuck could be??????

 **old hyung <3:** he cant have just gone home right

 **romanticist:** hes aware of the consequences; hes not a child anymore

 **romanticist:** as much as I want him to be

 **takoyaki prince:** company building?

 **winwin:** do we text the managers

 **romanticist:** oh god

 **romanticist:** I don’t know

 **romanticist:** okay wait give me a minute

 **romanticist:** dreamies I need you guys to think really hard where hyuck might have gone

 **romanticist:** johnny bby take care of mark

 **romanticist:** kun take care of renjun

 **romanticist:** the rest of you get ready to leave the house except taeil hyung

 **romanticist:** we'll hold down the fort, yall go search for hyuck

 **(nope):** yeri says he hasnt texted her either

 **DA ge:** hyung calm down a little

 **DA ge:** we'll find him dw

 **bunny boy:** ready

 **fake hoe:** gimme another 5 gotta dig for a face mask

 **DA ge:** take mine its on my side table

 **fake hoe:** thx kunnie

 **jwoos:**  xuxi's asking whats up

 **jwoos:** tell or no

 **american hyung:** tell him hyuck's missing that's all

 **takoyaki prince:** dreamies yall stay at the dorm on the off chance hyuck comes back while we're gone

 **fetus:** ok

 **fetus:** I dont think the rest of them can even move,, theyre panicking too hard

 **jeffrey:** me n sicheng r gd 2 go

 **jwoos:** so r me n xuxi

 **fake hoe:** we otw to the 127 dorm to get yall

 **takoyaki prince:** dont bother

 **takoyaki prince: @fetus** can you get them to chill otherwise I'll send taeil hyung and taeyong over

 **takoyaki prince:** jungwoo, you and lucas go to the park

 **takoyaki prince:** sicheng, woojae, dongyong hit the streets, dont separate

 **takoyaki prince:** im going to the company, for now as far as the managers know im going there to practice choreo

 **takoyaki prince:** ten come w me

 **jeffrey:** ok

 **jwoos:** okie

 **fake hoe:** so ill be omw to the 127 dorm anw~

 **fetus: @takoyaki prince** maybe get taeil hyung, jeno hyung and chenle are panicking abit too much, jaemin hyung isnt doing too well either

 **bunny boy:** yknow what I'll grab taeil hyung and go over

 

-

(private chat: _old hyung <3_ and _romanticist_ )

 **old hyung <3:** taeyong calm down first

 **romanticist:** okay

 **old hyung <3:** maybe not call the managers yet okay just in case we can solve this on our own

 **old hyung <3:** besides im not sure if theyll let hyuckie get away with this yknow how they are

 **romanticist:** okay youre right

 **romanticist:** thanks hyung

 **old hyung <3:** dongyong says me n him will go over to calm the dreamies down cos theyre panicking too now

 **romanticist:** oh god

 **old hyung <3:** youll be ok w/out me?

 **romanticist:** I'll go stress cook or something

 **old hyung <3:** not a bad idea taeyongie 

 **old hyung <3:** its a winwin situation!

 **romanticist:** hyung thats a terrible joke

 **old hyung <3:** made you laugh didnt it

 **romanticist:** yeah

 **romanticist:** thanks again hyung ily

 **old hyung <3:** ily2!

 

-

(group chat: parenting emergency)

 **jwoos:** not at the park, xuxi and I just jogged five times around it

 **jwoos:** unless donghyuck can see us and is dodging us on purpose

 **fetus:** he hasnt come back to the dorm either

 **winwin:** no sign

 **winwin: @fake hoe** have you reached??

 **fake hoe:** took us ages to get into the car

 **fake hoe:** and then there was traffic

 **fake hoe:** but we’re here!

 **fake hoe:** now it’s a question of how we’re gonna dodge our manager hhhhh

 **fetus:** as much as I hate donghyuck hyung I really hope we find him soon ):

 **DA ge:** don’t we all, jisung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh jisung, maybe you don’t actually hate him? (‘:
> 
> also pls doan hate me for double cliffhangers sdfghjsk next chapter will be up soon i promise


	6. parenting emergency III: hyuck is found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> takoyaki prince: HYUCK IS FOUND  
> takoyaki prince: I REPEAT  
> takoyaki prince: OUR SUNSHINE IS FOUND

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise ill change these next chapter (nicknames):  
> taeil: old hyung <3  
> johnny: american hyung  
> taeyong: romanticist  
> yuta: takoyaki prince  
> kun: DA ge  
> doyoung: bunny boy  
> ten: fake hoe  
> jaehyun: jeffrey  
> sicheng: winwin  
> jungwoo: jwoos  
> lucas: sushi  
> mark: markle sparkle  
> renjun: moomin boy  
> jeno: (nope)  
> donghyuck: 2nd cousin to the devil  
> jaemin: nananananana (from you)  
> chenle: lele  
> jisung: fetus

 (group chat: parenting emergency)

 **fake hoe:** so

 **fake hoe:** as manager hyung dropped us off

 **fake hoe:** he said

 **fake hoe:** “hey I drove haechan to the company building real early yesterday morning, could you go get him cos 24 hours is pushing it for practice”

 **fake hoe:** “Id do it myself but we have a meeting anytime now that im probably late for thanks kiddos”

 **fake hoe:** so hyuck’s here ie the rest of yall can go back to the dorms

 **fake hoe:** me n yuta hyung be searching rn

 **bunny boy:** wtf

 **winwin:** at least we know where he is now

 **jwoos:** oh okie

 **DA ge:** can someone tell taeyong hyung

 **DA ge:** I don’t think myself or johnny hyung’ll be moving anytime soon

 **old hyung <3: **ill go back n tell him!

 **old hyung <3: **fighting!! we'll find hyuck soon dw (:

 

-

 **takoyaki prince:** HYUCK IS FOUND

 **takoyaki prince:** I REPEAT

 **takoyaki prince:** OUR SUNSHINE IS FOUND

 **takoyaki prince:** also ten is struggling rn lol

 **takoyaki prince:** hyuck’s crying btw

 **takoyaki prince:** on ten

 **takoyaki prince:** hjashfks I shouldn’t be laughing but yall should see his face now

 **winwin:** is it the “what do I do” face

 **takoyaki prince:** yes

 **winwin:** kkkk

 **winwin:** ill go tell taeyong hyung now!!

 **jeffrey:** hows hyuck

 **fetus:** finally the hyungs will stop freaking out

 **takoyaki prince:** ugh hyuck’s really ugly crying

 **takoyaki prince:** he isn’t really in good shape his voice is hoarse as all hell

 **takoyaki prince:** and hes really weak I think he kind of just folded in on himself when he saw us ):

 **DA ge:** oh no ):

 **DA ge:** also update: idt jun will be waking up soon

 **DA ge:** hes sleeping really peacefully tho so dw

 **romanticist:** if you can get him back here soon

 **romanticist:** ill have food

 **romanticist:** the rest of yall come here

 **romanticist:** can someone get johnny and mark

 **bunny boy:** the dreamies?

 **romanticist:** we’ll fit

 **romanticist:** kun ill bring you food later

 **DA ge:** thanks hyung ^^

 **takoyaki prince:** thanks tae <3 also yes we’re trying to get him to drink water

 **fetus:** is anyone going to tell mark hyung where donghyuck hyung went

 **fetus:** ill bet hes panicking harder than yall give him credit for

 **american hyung:** someone casually bring it up over lunch,,

 **american hyung:** thanks for cooking bby <3

 **romanticist:** <3

 **jwoos:** is there space for xuxi and I? (• ◡•)

 **romanticist:** …

 **bunny boy:** there actually isn’t jungwoo sorry ):

 **jwoos:** DD:

 **bunny boy:** )): we’re really squeezing here sorry ))):

 **jwoos:** just kidding hyung!! its okay (▰˘◡˘▰)

 **jwoos:** taeyong hyung we’ll come and get food from you later!! for us and kun hyung and renjunnie

 **bunny boy:** hyung says “okay jungwoo yah”

 **bunny boy:** its his soft voice

 **jwoos:** uwu

 

-

(private chat: _DA ge_ and _(nope)_ )

 **(nope):** hyung

 **(nope):** can we come over

 **DA ge:** i don’t think it’s a good idea jeno

 **DA ge:** not to be mean but you both caused it

 **(nope):** yeah we kinda guessed

 **(nope):** how abt lele?

 **DA ge:** lele might help actually, yes

 **(nope):** okay

 **(nope):** sending one zhong chenle over with all the dreamies’ love

**-**

(group chat: one day all of us will be taller than taeyong hyung)

 **lele:** hyuck hyung is back!!

 **markle sparkle:** where did he go

 **fetus:** the company building, hyung

 **markle sparkle:** oh I see

 

-

(private chat: _lele_ and  _fetus_ )

 **lele:** its amazing how mark hyung didnt notice,,

 **fetus:**??? wdym he did notice hyuck hyung was gone

 **fetus:** everyone did

 **lele:** as in!! didnt notice we werent telling all the truth phew

 **fetus:** ah

 **fetus:** maybe his thinking is compromised bcos hes emotionally impaired

 

-

(group chat: one day all of us will be taller than taeyong hyung)

 **markle sparkle:** how come he was at the building for like, a whole day

 **fetus:** no idea

 **nananananana (from you):** you’ve got to ask him that yourself, mark hyung

 

-

(private chat: _lele_ and _fetus_ )

 **lele:** I take back what I said,, mark hyung’s onto us D:

 **fetus:** not as long as we keep quiet!!

 **lele** : also, I feel like a creep

 **fetus:** why??

 **lele** : kun ge asked me to watch over renjun, so ive been staring at him

 **fetus:** I dont think hyung meant it literally,,,

 **lele** : owo

 **fetus:** arent you texting me? you arent exactly staring at hyung now are you

 **lele** : omg ur braincells made an appearance

 **fetus:** shut up youre not much better

 **lele** : but I still love you!! even if youre not very smart, youre still my boyfriend ( ´ ▽ ` )

 **fetus:** ily2 boyfriend >//<

 **lele** : besides, we've got our shit together better than the hyungs do,,

 **lele:** I hope they get together quickly

 **fetus:** maybe not

 **lele:** ???

 **fetus:** idk maybe they need some time apart?

 **fetus:** I mean nomin hyungs tried to go see renjun hyung

 **fetus:** but kun hyung only let you go over,,

 **lele:** O.o

 **lele:** who told you??

 **fetus:** jaeminnie hyung

 **fetus:** kun hyungs doing this for a reason

 **lele:** hmm kun ge _is_ smart…

 **lele:** jisungie youre so smart today too!!

 **lele:** its strangely attractive

 **fetus:** asdfdhjks stop,,

 **lele:** ^^

 **lele:** <33

 **fetus:** <33

 

-

(group chat: nct in the house)

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** guess whos back losers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand hyuck is back!!


	7. drama intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oldest but cutest: breathe, dongyong, breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here have a whole chapter of hyuck changing nicknames + various protests,,

(group chat: nct in the house)

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** guess whos back losers

 **romanticist:** donghyuck ah!!

 **old hyung <3:** hyuckie!!

 **DA ge:** donghyuck!

 **sushi:** hyuck!

 **american hyung:** our sunshine has returned, I declare soft hours open

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** no

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** soft hours can wait, we havent changed names in so long ew

 _[2nd cousin to the devil_ _changed the chat name to “nct in the building”]_

 **bunny boy:** …thats not much better

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** im tolerating you

 _[2nd cousin to the devil_ _changed the chat name to “put the N in front of CT”]_

 **american hyung:** new lyrics lets geddit

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed old hyung <3’s name to ready to replace yesung sunbaenim]_

**ready to replace yesung sunbaenim:**  NO DONT SAY THAT

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** APADO GWENCHANA IS RIGHT UP THERE WITH MUN YEOLEOBWA HYUNG

 **ready to replace yesung sunbaenim:** STILL

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** FINE THEN U GET A BORING NICKNAME

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed ready to replace yesung sunbaenim’s name to oldest but cutest]_

**oldest but cutest:** it’s cute tho

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** NEXT

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed american hyung’s name to primary translator]_

**primary translator: …** I know we’re going to the us soon but really, hyuck?

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed romanticist’s name to mom 1]_

**mom 1:**??

 **mom 1:** am I not alone???

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed bunny boy’s name to mom 2]_

**mom 2:** wHY

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** hi mom 2

 **oldest but cutest:** breathe, dongyong, breathe

 **mom 2:**......hello my child

 **jeffrey:** omg babe r u ok

 **mom 2:** …….im fine

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** good

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed DA ge’s name to mama 3]_

**mom 1:**?? whyd you name him after the awards show

 **takoyaki prince:** or after exo’s song

 **primary translator:** you dont mean queen do you?

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** chenle assured me that this is eomma in Chinese

 **mama 3:** when will you all ever stop

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** says the guy watching injunnie now

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed takoyaki prince’s name to nekkoya x3]_

**2nd cousin to the devil:** opinion on the jap ver hyung

 **nekkoya x3:** a 10/10 bop

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed fake hoe’s name to returned to the basement]_

**returned to the basement:** you wound me hyuck ):

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** just kidding hyung

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed returned to the basement’s name to comeback soon pls]_

**comeback soon pls:** :D

 **comeback soon pls:** love you too duckie

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** mmhm

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed winwin’s name to censored for korea]_

**2nd cousin to the devil:** credit to johnny hyung for translating the eng ver for me

 **comeback soon pls:**??

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** sicheng hyung’s lines in our next album

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** look at hyung's english lyrics vs his korean lyrics lmao

_[2nd cousin to the devil changed jeffrey’s name to queso]_

**2nd cousin to the devil:** thanks for translating johnny hyung ily

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** why do you walk with cheese, **@queso** hyung

 **queso:** I didn't write the lyrics,,,

 _[2nd cousin to the devil changed jwoos’s name to_ _jungùwú]_

 **jungùwú:** im ready to join 127!!

 **primary translator:** lets geddit jungwoo

 **jungùwú:** lets geddit!

 _[2nd cousin to the devil changed sushi’s name to_ _wheres my hair pt.2]_

 **nekkoya x3:** a moment of silence for xuxi’s hair

 _[2nd cousin to the devil changed markle sparkle’s name to_ _angel]_

 **queso:** o.O

 _[2nd cousin to the devil changed angel’s name to_ _canada]_

 _[2nd cousin to the devil changed moomin boy’s name to_ _precious smol]_

 **mama 3:** hes gonna kill you once he wakes up donghyuck

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** mm sure

 _[2nd cousin to the devil changed (nope)’s name to_ _cat lady]_

 **cat lady:** mom

 **cat lady:** hyuck’s bullying me

 **mom 2:** DON’T BULLY MY FAVOURITE CHILD

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** HES ALLERGIC AND HAS CATS HES A DUMBASS

 _[2nd cousin to the devil changed_ _nananananana (from you)’s_ _name to_ _caffeine-fuelled smiles]_

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** theres no way your smile is as bright as mine unless its artificially fuelled

 **nananananana (from you): @cat lady** there go our matching nicknames unu

 **cat lady:** unu

 **2nd cousin to the devil:** CAN YOU NOT

 _[2nd cousin to the devil changed_ _their_ _name to_ _not ready for the us]_

 **not ready for the us:** its like having mark hyung but x379026994

 **primary translator:** actually the us has a population of 325.7 million and only a minority of them are half-korean

 **not ready for the us:** did I ask for your opinion hyung?

 **primary translator:** yikes okay

 _[_ _not ready for the us changed lele’s name to_ _cabbage head]_

 **cabbage head:** MOM

 **not ready for the us:** you can blame kun hyung for saying your hair looks like a cabbage

 **cabbage head:** MAMAAAAAA ))))):

 **mama 3:** I CANT UNSAY WHAT I SAID CAN I

 **mama 3:** im sorry youre still my favourite child even if your hair looks like shredded cabbage

 **cabbage head:** do I send a ): or a <3

 **not ready for the us:** you sent both dumbass

 **cabbage head:** oh

 _[_ _not ready for the us changed fetus’s name to_ _still has no friends]_

 **not ready for the us:** hows dream high, maknae

 **still has no friends:** HYUNG IM MAKING FRIENDS OKAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates will slow for a bit as I take what are apparently the most important, life changing exams of my life  
> which are also why im posting this lmao I panicked and this is how I chill,, by writing crack,,,,,,
> 
> (yes I say lmao ironically fite me)


	8. markhyuck sort out their shit ft. a bad metaphor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> canada: hyuck  
> canada: have you got time to talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is dedicated to the most chaotic bi I know: my bff and beta [StarTokki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunetic/pseuds/StarTokki) \- its his birthday! if ur into more artistic prose you can try his fics its actual writing unlike this mess
> 
> nicknames:  
> taeil: oldest but cutest  
> johnny: primary translator  
> taeyong: mom 1  
> yuta: nekkoya x3  
> kun: mama 3  
> doyoung: mom 2  
> ten: comeback soon pls  
> jaehyun: queso  
> sicheng: censored for korea  
> jungwoo: jungùwú  
> lucas: wheres my hair pt.2  
> mark: canada  
> renjun: precious smol  
> jeno: cat lady  
> donghyuck: not ready for the us  
> jaemin: caffeine-fuelled smiles  
> chenle: cabbage head  
> jisung: still has no friends
> 
> and finally the chapter you all have been waiting for

(group chat: put the N in front of CT)

 **not ready for the us:** hi cld someone get nomin off of me

 **mom 2:** ask the maknaes arent they there with you

 **not ready for the us:** oh would someone want me gone again?

 **mom 2:** nO

 **comeback soon pls:** dongyong!!

 **mom 2:** I mean aren't chensung there why can't they help you

 **not ready for the us:** hmph chenle nyoomed out to hug me first then jisungie kinda awkwardly tried to scissors five me

 **not ready for the us:** but then jaemin screamed my name and full out sprinted towards me

 **not ready for the us:** with jeno right on his tail

 **not ready for the us:** and the maknaes left as fast as they came

 **queso:** ill be over ASIAC

 **not ready for the us:** ????

 **queso:** as soon as I can

 **not ready for the us:** hyung I'm sure no one says ASAIC

 **queso:** wtv im just coming over for my favourite dongsaeng

 **not ready for the us:** :DD

 **queso:** not you

 **queso:** lele 

 **not ready for the us:** D:

 **cabbage head:** :D

 **cabbage head:** hyung! come play with me and sungie?

 **queso:** sure im nearly done packing anw

 **cabbage head:** :DD

 **not ready for the us:** wait so ur not coming to help me?

 **queso:** think of it as karma from that day

 **not ready for the us:** huh????

-

(screenshot from group chat: nct in the house)

 **takoyaki prince:** didnt hyuckie say hed save u??

 **(nope):** yeah guess what he said when I confronted him

 **(nope):** “I got milk I saved you from Injunnie’s wrath”

 **takoyaki prince:** oof

-

 **not ready for the us:** ew hyung

 **queso:** karma.

 **not ready for the us:** ew.

 

-

(private chat: _canada_ and _primary translator_ )

 **canada:** johnny

 **primary translator:** whats up mark

 **canada:** you know why hyuck vanished dont you

 **primary translator:** not my place to say anyth

 **canada:** please

 **canada:** johnny what do I do about hyuck

 **primary translator:** thats your own business markle nothing to do w me

 **primary translator:** yknow youre technically an adult now this could be one of them big decisions ur supposed to make

 **primary translator:** think about it mark lee 

 **primary translator:** not to go full father on you but think about it.

 **primary translator:** go have a thonk

 **canada:** okay then

 **primary translator:** maybe go talk to him markle

 **canada:** yeah I was going to

 **primary translator:** you can do it (:

 **canada:** I can do it!

 **primary translator:** now thats the mark I know (:

 **canada:** (:

 

-

(private chat: _not ready for the us_ and _mom 1_ )

 **not ready for the us:** hey

 **not ready for the us:** taeyong hyung

 **mom 1:** hyuckie?

 **mom 1:** you need anything?

 **mom 1:** I can go over to the dreamies dorm right now if you need me to

 **not ready for the us:** nah noren gave me all the cuddles just now

 **not ready for the us:** its about mark 

 **mom 1:** oh honey

 **not ready for the us:** yeah

 **not ready for the us:** imma talk to him

 **mom 1:** mm thats good!

 **not ready for the us:** I just

 **not ready for the us:** need some liquid courage

 **mom 1:** YOURE NOT LEGAL

 **not ready for the us:** uh that came out wrong I meant like encourage me please ):

 **mom 1:** oh

 **mom 1:** oh okie

 **mom 1:** you! can! do! it! sunshine! :D

 **mom 1:** I believe in you <3

 **not ready for the us:** thanks mom (:

 **mom 1:** anytime hyuckie (:

 

-

(group chat: the parents)

 **primary translator:** MARK'S GOING TO TALK TO HYUCK YALL

 **mom 1:** HYUCK'S GOING TO TALK TO MARK HELP

 **mom 2:** wow

 **mom 2:** the synchrony

 **mom 1:** dongyong

 **mom 1:** please

 **mom 2:** yeah ik its just cute thats all

 **mama 3:** dw tho **@mom 1**

 **mama 3:** all will be well

 **primary translator:** how would you know

 **mama 3:** magic

 

-

(private chat: _not ready for the us_ and _canada_ )

 **canada:** hyuck

 **canada:** have you got time to talk

 **not ready for the us:** is this an invitation to fight on the rooftop

 **canada:** no

 **canada:** I want to know why you disappeared and didn’t say a word to me ):

 **canada:** should I go to the dream dorm or are you coming back

 **not ready for the us:** neither

 **not ready for the us:** i cant face you so ill tell you like this over text

 **canada:** wont you tell me in person

 **not ready for the us:** no

 **canada:** okay then

 **not ready for the us:** hold on to your seat mark lee

 **canada:** yessir

 **not ready for the us:** right

 **not ready for the us:** it’s not like you don't love me

 **not ready for the us:** you've been through your gay crisis and come out bi

 **not ready for the us:** we've determined that there'll never be "a good time"

 **not ready for the us:** what else do you want.

 **canada:** I'm scared, hyuck.

 **not ready for the us:** PFTTTTTTT

 **not ready for the us:** so am I!

 **not ready for the us:** yknow we can be scared together right

 **not ready for the us:** what's the point of us both being scared

 **not ready for the us:** would you rather go through a haunted house with me, go through a haunted house alone, or have to stand at the entrance forever

 **not ready for the us:** and you can hear and see things at the entrance okay I mean literally stand at the start

 **canada:** that's a trash metaphor donghyuck ah

 **not ready for the us:** but you get it

 **canada:** yes

 **canada:** I do

 **canada:** and I've been agonising over this for ages!

 **not ready for the us:** here I'll make it easier for you

 **not ready for the us:** Mark Lee are you going to be my boyfriend or what?

 **canada:**...

 **canada:** fINE LETS BE SCARED TOGETHER IF I SCREAM IN YOUR EAR ITS YOUR FAULT

 **not ready for the us:** are you using my "trash metaphor"?

 **canada:** maybe

 **not ready for the us:** mm well done bby  <3

 **canada:** ugh ily2

 **not ready for the us:** see

 **not ready for the us:** I needn't have freaked everyone out by running away if you'd just done this earlier

 **canada:** I'm

 **not ready for the us:** shhhhhh

 **not ready for the us:** boyfriend ;)

 **canada:** asfdhjks

 **not ready for the us:** aww are your ears red again bby

 **canada:** yES NO THANKS TO YOU

 **not ready for the us:** here I'll move back over to the 127 dorm so we can cuddle  <3

 **canada:** kay

 **not ready for the us:** where's my heart huh mark lee 

 **canada:** <3

 **not ready for the us:** cutie

 **canada:** IM NOT

 **not ready for the us:** oh wait youre right _im_ the cutie here

 **canada:** sdgdjkds this is why I love you hyuck

 **not ready for the us:** aww love you too

 **canada:** …

 **canada:** btw, that was so unromantic

 **not ready for the us:** its the 21 st century, text confessions are romantic you dumb moose

 **canada:** wtf stereotypes dont make good insults loser

 **not ready for the us:** mm but lbr im your loser <3

 **canada:** >//<

 **canada:** love you too <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this'll be a much longer note than usual so strap in:  
> 1\. in case you were wondering who was in the parents' gc, its taeil, johnny, taeyong, doyoung and kun i.e. the 4 from earlier plus the oldest (and cutest!)  
> 2\. hyuck's insult was inspired by [FrecklesOfTheSeasons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrecklesOfTheSeasons/pseuds/FrecklesOfTheSeasons)! more specifically their [stray kids chatfic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15689556/chapters/36456165) which i really like!! go show them some love and support if ur into skiz; they aint been having a good time recently )):  
> 3\. i have finals like i mentioned last chap lol and i also have no pre-written chapters bcos me: a bad author who doesnt plan ahead so updates will be shorter and sparser for a month?? while i try to be responsible and stop failing all my subjects (': if i end up stress writing i will update uh hope yall dont mind being left on a cliffhanger for a longggggg time if that happens whoops but dw! i will be back once finals are over, in the meantime im sorry ): i hope the happy ending makes up for it~  
> 4\. i nearly pressed delete chapter too many times help


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